sometimes you compose and post 22 tweets about breakups because you feel like you need to scrape something off of you
you post 22 tweets in a row and you feel emptied out and for the next hour or two you refresh the website idly and feel heavy even though you have lots of work to do
the tweets are generalized and not referring to anyone in particular—you are offering advice, not condemning anyone…
your ex who you have blocked on twitter sees the tweets very quickly, someone has alerted her to them or she checks your twitter obsessively, both are believable
she tweets this response, which takes your tweets to be totally performative, saying that they provide “disdain for you all,” in a form that is “instructively over-generalizing”
it’s mean and disregards you, in this response the tweets are simply a performance in order to annoy someone who is unidentified
yes a part of you wanted her to see the tweets because you still (it is insane) want her to realize how she hurt you, but no the tweets were not a performance
they were not meant for her…
the consoling aspect of writing the tweets was that they were general, they would not have functioned if they were specific, you have done some of the things you said not to do and you regret it
just like it is instructive or calming to visit websites like buzzfeed or psychology today or medium for answers to simple but devastating emotional scenarios
to type your current emotional state into a google search window and read through the first page of results
for that same reason it is edifying to compose the tweets, to imagine writing them to an audience that includes yourself
why do you want anything from someone who sees past you so insistently and who can only see you in relation to themselves?
it’s insane but you do want it
you write a friend that you feel very dumb, that it is dumb to feel sad about a relationship that ended so long ago, when you have so much else going for you right now
they say that it isn’t dumb
they are right and you know that of course but the fact that it still twists and turns inside you makes you worry that something will never be fully resolved
and that is true but it has always been true and it’s only when you pretend that it isn’t that you get yourself in trouble
paorta-kremvax 