drone-fire-air

sometimes you compose and post 22 tweets about breakups because you feel like you need to scrape something off of you

you post 22 tweets in a row and you feel emptied out and for the next hour or two you refresh the website idly and feel heavy even though you have lots of work to do

the tweets are generalized and not referring to anyone in particular—you are offering advice, not condemning anyone…

your ex who you have blocked on twitter sees the tweets very quickly, someone has alerted her to them or she checks your twitter obsessively, both are believable

she tweets this response, which takes your tweets to be totally performative, saying that they provide “disdain for you all,” in a form that is “instructively over-generalizing”

it’s mean and disregards you, in this response the tweets are simply a performance in order to annoy someone who is unidentified

yes a part of you wanted her to see the tweets because you still (it is insane) want her to realize how she hurt you, but no the tweets were not a performance

they were not meant for her…

fire-riot.jpg

the consoling aspect of writing the tweets was that they were general, they would not have functioned if they were specific, you have done some of the things you said not to do and you regret it

just like it is instructive or calming to visit websites like buzzfeed or psychology today or medium for answers to simple but devastating emotional scenarios

to type your current emotional state into a google search window and read through the first page of results

for that same reason it is edifying to compose the tweets, to imagine writing them to an audience that includes yourself

why do you want anything from someone who sees past you so insistently and who can only see you in relation to themselves?

it’s insane but you do want it

you write a friend that you feel very dumb, that it is dumb to feel sad about a relationship that ended so long ago, when you have so much else going for you right now

they say that it isn’t dumb

they are right and you know that of course but the fact that it still twists and turns inside you makes you worry that something will never be fully resolved

and that is true but it has always been true and it’s only when you pretend that it isn’t that you get yourself in trouble

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