What you seek is within you–and perhaps always has been. Connect first with your own heart. This is a time of excitement and abundance. When I was asked what I found interesting this past year, or what changed in my understanding, what possible avenues I would consider for my final project, I wanted to say: that love is a burning.
But I did not say that because I did not feel that it was germane. So I did not say that desire does not consume even as it burns, because it is a product of language. “No relation is constituted on the basis of the sexes, for it is on that basis alone that what makes up a relationship can be enunciated.” Speech can never be reduced. What you need, he told me, is debate—not argument. You need a place where you can express your independence… without the risk of being defined by or defining the other.
Someone who challenges but does not overwhelm. I asked him, what about a Scorpio? He said no because Scorpios are controlling. A lot of attraction however. They can see your soul and are devoted to it. But they want the same thing in return and that is not right for you. Scorpios, he says, reflect our inner demons.
Now I’m not sure exactly what that means. I remember a day we sat together in the library, on the second floor, by the long bank of windows in front of the tree with branches that occasionally snapped and fell to the ground, and I thought “I am annoyed by how powerful this feeling is.” She kept catching in the corner of my eye, her hair falling over her face, her brushing it away, I know it was not intentional, but I wondered if I was catching in her vision too. I think I was. But at lunch that same day it was meeting one of her roommates that I realized her life would never be like mine. It just wouldn’t. As much as I liked imagining it. So all that we ever would be was sitting in front of this window.