200 bad poems (1-52)

Today I found 36 poems on my hard drive that I did not remember writing in (apparently) April of 2017. I thought it would be fun to add to these poems and so I wrote 16 more. Now I think this is a new fun challenge that I am doing, to write 200 bad poems (after Anthony Clark’s 200 bad comics). I think it makes sense to do this within two weeks so that is what I will do.

too sad to think
I am too sad
but I am writing poems
poems don’t need thought

a poem about economic insecurity
economic insecurity sucks
there’s a moth
always crushing your brain

tips for managing yr workload
throw your task list
into the garbage can
no one will ever notice

a crisis for office managers
dave said he couldn’t work Thursday
but shirley booked Thursday off
well, someone needs to be here

when your boss hates your life
with a wink and a grin he says
you don’t have to come in Monday
“come in only when I want you”

he says he’s never been called a fag
I wouldn’t say he leads a privileged life
but someone should go back in time
and kick him in the pants

why don’t you
why don’t you do this?
this has always come easy to me
or you could do this instead?

remember when money was real
when money came from god
or depravity or violence
there was no need for illusion

when you keep checking your phone
the flowers stop blooming
a gust of wind blows through an alley
I’m waiting for you

it’s not fun being fun
when everything has to be “good”
what are you?
a libertine of others’ kindness

you make me second guess myself
I wish I could be pure and free
riding on a motorcycle
gunning it through god’s will

I wish God existed
it’s so hard living without Him
no one ever says hi to me
peering from my hole

wait what’s depression
is it this
or this
or maybe this

when you can’t get out of bed
there’s an owl perched on your shoulder
now it’s walking down your back
now its head is turning around

is there something wrong
i’ll ask you this now
since it’s just us here
is everything okay?

I just want to complain
I want to talk about this
and this
and this, and this

when you have a bad attitude
it’s like you’re drunk
in a forest
and everyone’s there

the city hates me
what would it be like
to perch comfortably
on the city’s shoulder?

trust the lake
there are few things more honest
than large bodies
of churning water

when you’re melancholy
make yourself a sandwich
dance in your bedroom
bury yourself in flowers and dirt

are you tired
there’s a supplement
one or two pills a day
it’s just orange juice

on the edge of the world
look how much
over there
and there too

I’m in a cave
I’ll sit in this corner
now on this stalagmite
boy the lighting sucks

hungry for rivers
what could be better
something so cool and fresh
and twisty

if only
if only I could fold my attitude
into a kite, or a paper airplane
or a job

seven dollars
is that what it costs
well alright
you cleaned me out

fun for two
look at them frolic
they’re tangled and twisting
like two angry snakes

the mirror’s broken
I lean this way
now this way
now I’m ducking my head

god I’m so erratic
but it’s important
to say what you feel
’till you part from life

when you keep dropping the ball
hi friends
me again
my third apology

what is it
what is it
what is it
what is it

a bad mosaic
let’s try something new
give me those tiles
I’ll glue them to the wall

everyone’s insufferable
I’m so rude
I forgot
about our bomb

let’s have a party
who’s coming
are you coming
are you

another party
what if
neither of us
ever comes

without hope
what’s endearing about you
is that when you look up
you see something

without hope 2
but at least I know
when there’s nothing

yes I’m hungry
I know I should eat
I just don’t want to

they said
they said he would never do it
they said he would amount to nothing

are you serious
you can’t be
come on guy

I pretended to be
an authority, this morning
for about six minutes

listen I do really want to eat
it’s just when I think about it
it makes it even worse

have you met crystal yet
she’s really cool
I like her new owl

yeah I gave it up
just like that
cold turkey

cold turkey
I just don’t think about it anymore
it’s totally out of my head

today a pedant
I’d like to explain something to you
now to you
excuse me—do you have a minute?

good exercise
it’s good exercise
you know?
where are you going?

sitting alone
in the locker room
with my shoulders locked up

excuse me
I’m in a bit of a hurry

you’re terrified
look, I get it
everyone feels this way
now box the owl

once again
one day, frank, I swear
someone’s finally going to beat
this stupid bird

what do you want
I’m looking out the window
the city is gleaming

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