200 bad poems (78-102)

Here are 25 more bad poems. Can you believe it? Over 100 bad poems. Some people would say that’s a lot of bad poems. Not me though. There will be 200 bad poems on this website by next Wednesday.

this poem is out of control
it is not going to the office
it is not going to grocery store
it isn’t walking the dog

after three days of warm temperature
and then rain, all of the snow is hard, and grey, and thick
perfect for keeping your bowling ball out of the gutter

here’s the truth: my voice
keeps rising, and I keep saying more
and soon my head will lift from my shoulders

it’s hard to talk to me in the winter
when every thought
I deflect with a stick

Miriam told me she knows she needs to start writing
when she follows her partner reading the news
angry at everything she has seen

is waiting in front of a Paris bakeshop
and there are rows and rows of skeletons
and they all want a pistachio danish

high snowbank
the dog perches neatly on the huge snowbank
somewhere high above
an owl watches him poo

I keep rubbing my face
as if I’m trying to take it off
I’m not sure what I’m trying to say

a car splashed me with water
I shouted “fuck off”
it sounded like a little bitch

wrong parallel park
four sheets of drywall in the car I park behind
the guy says c’mon you idiot move your car
can’t you see this is a real construction zone

real construction zone
two pickup trucks and a broken piano on the front porch
every time I pass I think about how the man
threatened to beat me up with his “guys”

his guys
when he came back he was telling his guy
the guy said “no worries, we can move them”
I’m sure he’d have preferred otherwise

night walk
the dog wants to go out
I’ve been asleep for two hours
in the morning she says he pooed three tiny sticks

murder mystery
my character had three accents
and someone killed me
but not the right person

the accents
are accidental! where’s my voice
literally any one

sex cards
you’re supposed to trade them
they signify that you “did it”
but I only have two

if you don’t know what to say
sometimes you can just stand there
and the conversation will leave you

I’m worried I don’t care about anything
where’s my zest!
I watch an episode of Russian Doll

first meeting
when I first met the dog I thought
oh god
imagining it was too much to grant

I didn’t want to know a dog
come on
it sounds like the beginning of a holiday movie

the truth
it seemed exhausting
all that enthusiasm!
but the dog generates it himself

a literary solution
there are two ways of solving your problems
one involves getting your hands dirty
the other, turning things around in your head

3D chess
sometimes it feels like I’m playing 3D chess
with God
and God doesn’t care if he wins or loses

big magazines
you have to “play the game”
and “get off Twitter”
and “read a single book”

go to dinner
why didn’t you go to dinner
with the big editor
or kiss his hand when he put down the breadsticks

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