200 bad poems (103-152)

Wow, 50 more bad poems. Will this guy ever stop. Is he out of his mind.

the office
the fidget spinner came apart in my hands
and I explained what it was
as it spun wobbly with only two balls

the office 2
as I screwed in the third bearing she asked me
how does it work? —I had no idea
“bernoulli’s principle” (I’m dumb)

that’s terrifying
Zak messaged me after I sent him notes from a lecture
Gordon Lish had given on July 14 2018
“I’m still terrified,” he wrote me, half an hour later

Shopper’s
I saw my friend’s “friend” walking in front of Shopper’s
they were lovers but not for a while now
their eyes flashed in the rain

tri-corner hats
yeah I ate three of those cookies
as soon as she pulled the bag out
I’m proud of it

shifting
we’re moving books from one section of the library
to another section of the library
it’s like they’re taking a little trip

stuck
in the tunnel the train stops completely
someone’s sleeping with his hand covering his face
I think he must be faking

late
Carson was already hitting the ball
when I arrived at the court and apologized
he said “no, you released me”

co-ordination
none of the photos I have seem good enough
the water is either too shallow, or too deep
no one’s going to believe I’m water polo MVP

quiet
for a long time in the office I think
I’m the only one who is going to be here
the loneliest of all outcomes

quiet 2
shortly after my colleague arrives
it starts, just a little bit, to rain
I get up and look out the window

the side door
most people buy their cars either through
the front door (dealerships) or the back door (stealing)
I wait in parking lots and say “please?”

showbiz
if I ran a queer burlesque or was myself a performer
and I’m not saying this is happening
my show would be called “Daddy Augustine”

confessions
when I’m holding the book in front of me
I say what I like
“I think I’m at least a deist now”

the side door 2
I love my new range rover with 4×4 and a v6
thanks Val in the parking lot who thought it was sweet
to ask so politely

2006
if you want to go back in time
just open Apple’s “iMusic” app
and put on the Fiery Furnaces’s I’m Going Away

2009
Google says the above-mentioned Fiery Furnaces album
didn’t come out until three years later
regardless I maintain my initial point

Gordon Lish
I tell Zak I think Lish will never die
living long enough to bury us both.
but I quickly retract it: he’s old as fuck and I want to live

thank you Val
I drove over to Val’s house
—she still had a trunk full of groceries—
and pet her dog and wrestled her kids

another office poem
every thirty minutes one of us gets up
to go to the bathroom or refresh our water
I try to close the door as silently as possible

God
if you get two beers in me I will tell you about God
here’s what I think God is: wild injustice,
and certain perfectly-worded poems

André Alexis
every Wednesday I sit in a room with André Alexis
and about eight or nine others
which used to vaguely upset me because we have the same name

alt-rock
Neil shows me his new baby carriage
he got it used, a sweet deal
the “Indie” model, for parents with $800, and beards

friends
I keep rescheduling
and thinking I have lost you
then the dam bursts and I get overwhelmed

comedy show
it’s packed and I have a headache
people keep pushing past me to buy drinks
“I’m going to kill myself,” says a performer

eyes
I’ve been thinking
I see the whole world through these things
that’s gotta count for something

paranoia
Tintin is hiding behind the corner
Snowy is crouched behind a bush
Milou is descending from a rope

street cats
now that it’s warmer it’s time for them to come out
parade their little furry haunches
take elaborate shits

tuna salad
pickled onions and lettuce and maiyonnaise
and capers and bay leaves and dragonflies
tarragon, sunsets, and rivers

my soup
it’s been almost a week since we ate it
but I still think about it fondly
my soup

wreckage pile
here we have one tractor trailer
a jar of old peanut butter and
your old man’s favourite gloves

italics
someone says they can’t be sustained
more than three or four times in a book
but what if you make them the point

sci-fi bro
it’s an unkind nickname for someone who thinks
about constraint, and automatic writing, and god
but still: he lifts and he likes sci-fi

his bed
meme lord posts on facebook: she cheated on him
in the apartment he paid for, in his bed
that he paid for

cayenne
Aunt Becky posts on social media her recipe
for chickpeas: just add olive oil, salt,
cayenne, pepper, and roast! xox

consciously
a lot of people think emotions are just
content but it’s our job to use them
like bombs

owl party
hey man hoot hoot
hell yeah check out that rat
oh perfect pellet dude

owl party 2
yeahhh woo heck ya
uh huh uh huh
we’re the silent killer baby

get it under control
here hand me that rope and those bungee cables
okay now the scotch tape
now the hair gel

skeleton dad
they joked that his middle name stands for a pile of bones
this was eight or nine years ago
a pile of bones and thick glass frames

alienate
git boy skit
we don’t want you around no more
god I love you so much

grocery daddy
hard to feel like a cool guy
when you approach the checkout
with paper towels and almond milk

oracle
two models of teaching: constructivist and revelationary
I don’t always understand what he’s saying
but then something reaches me like the voice of God

a letter
dear graduate student does your work
contain any references to Justin Trudeau, or field mice
or a moose gently chewing a bullrush

my white friend
I never thought the snow would leave
which is why I trusted it with all my secrets
now it’s gone, my white friend

a great model
in Berlin they’re seizing all units above 3,000
owned by corporate landlords and renting them below market value
I just think it’s a good idea

tiny apartment
the last tenant lived here for four or five years
after she left we gutted the place and put in all new fixtures
and jacked the rent two or three times

jacking the rent
if your whole family works in real estate
it doesn’t matter how many fancy dinners they make
or mimosas they prepare or hugs they gave you

surefire investment
at night I enter their apartments and turn on all the taps
and in the morning I walk back and forth outside
renting mops

studio available
I take a photo of the placard
while an old man watches, aghast
later, the number is too blurry to dial

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s