I have wasted so much time on false infinities (social media, a feed of any kind), letting myself become susceptible to their imagined mores, believing and abiding in their lies, allowing myself to become consumed by nothing. Nothing. Hiding from my self in something that is not real. (This is not real community, which requires risk, and vulnerability.) And then, when I lose what is actually important to me—these infinities reveal that they were nothing worth keeping, not even worth a second glance. I do not care for them. They do not occupy me. I will excise them from my life. Whatever happens, I know that there is much of value remaining. I know I have more to give and to receive. But I have lost one of the few things that truly matters (love). Perhaps not forever (or at least I can hope this is the case). Sad to find your way to the truth only after losing it. Sad to speak farewell in bed, remarking still on how well you fit together. What an idiot I was to ever let it go.

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