HAVING IT REALLY GOOD
I want to write a poem called “Having It Really Good” about having it really good
and getting caught in it like webbing—how I deflected whatever you said—
at the end that’s how we talked, as if playing a game of tennis
a careful game between two people who couldn’t figure out a way to get off the court
now I want to recognize what belongs to me and what does not, want not to move forward
slashing defensively at every advance before I even know where it is going
want to cultivate openness want to imagine a light, an exchange—
only after it ended could I ever imagine it
during I was too afraid to know that I was, now I am stubborn—
the game was never that careful—in fact I think we hurt each other
more than is usual—we were so frustrated, knowing our ideal
angry that the other took it from us—having it really
full stop, holding onto it—believing in what it was
not what it could be
or was not
