Oh Mugabe, You “Son of a Bitch”

mugabe21

I wasn’t going to post this but then I was like “Why not put something up that will pretty much bar me from ever going to Zimbabwe as long as Robert Mugabe is in power?” and “Hey, you know what, people could be offended, but I am used to alienating half my audience.” Thankfully the Prime Minister is okay, but unfortunately since the last time I clicked on that link his wife has died. That’s very, very sad.

Name Withheld: adshlssfa#

me: wha wha wha what?????
11:12 AMName Withheld: Zimbabwe’s new prime minister, Morgan Tsvangirai, has been involved in a car accident, his party says
I have very little doubt they’re trying to kill him
11:13 AM me: yeah, that’s ridiculous
prime ministers don’t just get in car accidents
11:15 AM Name Withheld: I’m assuming he isn’t dead, mind you
hopefully
11:17 AM me: Mugabe is pretty ridiculous
of course everyone knew this was coming, but… it’s still pretty audacious
11:19 AM Name Withheld: MT: we won the elections!
RM: no. we’ll stay in power, thanks
MT: but we won!
RM: well okay, you can have the second position
MT: …okay…
RM: …unless you get in an accident
MT: what?
RM: nothing.
11:20 AM me: haha
11:21 AM RM: Listen, I’m thinking of outlawing seatbelts.
11:22 AM Name Withheld: RM: also, I bought you this new car
11:23 AM me: RM: Meet your new driver! Don’t worry about the scars. He got those in knife fights, that means he’s tough. He can protect you.
11:24 AM Name Withheld: MT: but I like walking
RM: Prime ministers don’t walk, do you want the job or not?
11:27 AM me: RM: Don’t forget. We’ve got that meeting with the voters who definitely do not have cholera. Unfortunately something’s come up for me so you’ll have to pull double duty. I know you can handle it, big guy! I believe in you!
Name Withheld: RM: here, have a slice of bread. pats on head
11:28 AM RM: oh, and make sure you take Mugabe street there, I want you to see the new, definitely working stoplight
11:30 AM me: take this gun with you. it definitely doesn’t work. feel free to joke around with it as much as possible. The people love it when you pretend suicide
Name Withheld: RM: oh, why am I even joking around? I’m going to kill you, Morgan. You are going to die.
11:31 AM it’s been really great working with you though, you’ve taught me a lot about how to keep control of my dictatorship
11:32 AM me: RM: I’m definitely putting you on my resume when we approach the World Bank. Good times
11:33 AM Name Withheld: hahah
we’re pretty terrible people
but since he is so much more terrible, it’s okay
11:34 AM I mean if I had to rate myself on a scale of terribleness, and he was at the end, I’d rate somewhere around mother theresa I think
11:35 AM me: haha I think that is about accurate

Hopefully this car crash is the catalyst for positive change in Zimbabwe– it could just as easily have the exact opposite effect, but maybe it won’t, this time.